Bittersweet Life Cycle Moments – a Reason Not to Write by Debra H. Goldstein
Sometimes, life gets in the way of writing. This is one of those weeks that my thoughts are more concerned with life cycle events than they are with “writing.” By the end of this week, my sister and I will both welcome grandchildren. She knows hers will be a girl; my daughter and her husband opted to be surprised.
I always have referred to my daughter and her twin brother as being my miracle children. Having them wasn’t easy – my pregnancy, while successful, also forced this type A person to spend almost eight months on my back or in and out of hospitals (I empathize with Princess Kate and Amy Schumer). Although the holy terrors were due on April 1 (it seemed appropriate for me at the time), they arrived in February, but they thrived. They now are grown, and my daughter is having her own child.
Talking to my friends who are in the same position, we all agree our children’s pregnancies are a time of excitement and fear. We want the pregnancy to go well and the baby to be born healthy. We can’t wait to hold our children’s babies and we pray we can still remember and have the endurance to feed, burp, diaper, and do the other chores — like running up and down the stairs, associated with a newborn.
This is another time of miracles.
But I’m also saddened that my sister and I can’t share our moments of joy with our mother. Perhaps our daughters will memorialize her (or our father) by naming their babies after them, but it isn’t the same as it would be to see the excitement and happiness these children would have given their great-grandmother. The picture at the top of this blog was taken of my mother at my daughter’s wedding. Mother’s face radiates her thrill of sharing in that life cycle event. Can you imagine how she would have felt this week?
By this time next week, my sister and I will both be beyond Cloud 9, but I’m sure as we count fingers and toes and check out hair and eye color, a momentary thought of whether the babies bear any resemblance to their great-grandmother will flit through our minds. What about you – any bittersweet wonderful life cycle moments?
What a lovely tribute, Debra to your mom and to your daughter. My own father died while I was pregnant with my first. I gave birth to a son six months later and named him after his grandfather Allan. Turns out they are remarkably similar in their keen intelligence, devotion to researching questions on the spot, quirky sense of humor, and kindness. I’ve always wondered if Daddy’s soul made the leap into my son Allan’s, or if he at least waved his soulful wand over my as-yet unborn child.
Edith,
What a beautiful thought from a bittersweet time. I firmly believe we stand on the shoulders of those before us (there’s a song with that lyric, so I can’t claim it) and that the twinkle of the past is carried forward by the new generations.
Thank you for leaving your comment.
Beautiful thoughts about those bittersweet moments. Wishing you joy as you welcome your grandchild.
Holly, Thank you… and thank you for coming Sunday. I’m looking forward to having lunch at some point in the near future as I anticipate I will be in and out of Atlanta quite a bit. :).
Beautiful, Debra. Thinking your mom is there in so many ways. Can’t wait to hear about the new arrival.
Thank you… we’re waiting with wild anticipation. Joel and I were in Atlanta so I could attend a meeting on Saturday and participate in a workshop on Sunday … and just in case, I packed us each extra clothing. Now, I feel like a would be parent to be in that I left the “wrinkled” clothing still in the bag for when we get the call.
As you have the honor of watching your child become a mom and you hold her child for the first time, the flutter you feel in your heart will be a hug from your sweet, funny mom❣️
Janice,… Thank you… I’m sure you’re right.
Congratulations on your pending status as a grandparent. I often think about how much my mother would have enjoyed her grandchildren. I do know that you and your new grandchild will be blessings to each other!
Considering how adorable your grandchildren are, I’m sure, had your mother had an opportunity to see you fully raise your children and to hug your grandchildren, she would have been thrilled. Luckily, my mom did get to experience our older grandchildren (from the children from Joel’s first marriage), but as excited as she was when my sister and I gave birth within a few months and as she was at Jen’s wedding, she would have been over the moon for Beth and Jen to be expecting at the same time.
Wonderful post. Thanks for important perspective.
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. Hope your vacation was as much fun as it looked … and that you got a chance to relax!
So happy for you, Debra! I often wish my parents, in fact, even my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and all my in-laws were alive to share in the joys of the young children who bless our lives. But, who’s to say they’re not watching and smiling from other climes?
Can’t say.. can hope… thanks for stopping by…
This is a lovely post, Debra. I fervently hope both births will go well. A lot of little moments and some big ones are bittersweet since I lost my dear husband a year and a half ago. But missing our loved ones keeps them alive, too, in a way. Gone but never forgotten.
Especially if we share our memories of those we’ve lost with those who are born later… again .. the shoulders of those who came before. Thank you for your comment.
My friend:
Very beautifully or should I say poignantly said.
I am expecting a grandson at the end of June (my son’s) and a granddaughter the end of July (Elisabeth’s). I was so pesky with name suggestions for both that both Phillip & Elis were biting their tongues for fear of exploding at me…..but they never did. I decided to stop…..until last night I had a dream wherein my son handwrote me a letter to say “We’d like you to meet our new addition Mason Tyler”……….names I know they are not considering. Ah yes, your Mom (and mine) would’ve been over the moon to welcome her great grandbabies. Rest assured she will do so from above. XOXO to you.
Margaret,
Excited for you … about the upcoming grandchildren. Knowing your mom and mine, they both would have been absolutely thrilled to be part of these children’s lives…and we’ll be responsible now for making sure they are.
BTW, have you suggested the Mason Tyler (indirectly of course)… it has a nice ring.
Beautifully written. Such a special time in your life. Wishing you mazel tov on the upcoming
birth,
Jodi Goldstein
Jodi,
Thank you – we’re excited. But we’re also excited for your first grand-daughter. The picture Beth sent me shows Lilah Ellie is beautiful! Mazel tov!
Debra,
You’re in for such joy!! I know how you feel about your mother not being here to share. My daugher-in-law was pregnant with Olivia when Bernie died. Sad that he never got to know her and Jack.
I can imagine your excitement with Olivia but sadness not being able to share the moment with Bernie. But, what joy Olivia and Jack have given you.